The SCI‐FI‐I‐SPY Catalogue of All Known Types of Alien

Identification: vampire octopuses

Variants: flying psi‐vampire giant squid

Also Known As: Alucardians, Squictopi, or Malignant Polyps

Origin: may be the planet next door, may be an accidental portal to the Dimension of Tentacles

LOOKS: just plain nasty XXX
BRAINS: immense and throbbing 125
LETHALITY: they may have lots of arms, but they're un­impressively muscled, capable of overpowering a Japanese schoolgirl but not much else 0.05
CULTURE: don't seem to have mastered basic hygiene 30
HARDNESS: frequently very psychic
TOKENISM: token herm­aphrodites 70

Religion: Quantum Presbyterian

Favourite Colour: purple

Blood Type: AB+

Wardrobe: another of those cultural phenomena they've unfortunately never had the patience for

Weakness: the common cold

Affiliated With: high‐ranking members of the Conciliary Ententicles, and active in the Union of Field Observers

Natural Predators: the Sauroids, who claim they taste fantastic with wasabi