The SCI‐FI‐I‐SPY Catalogue of All Known Types of Alien

Identification: superintelligent shades of the colour blue (maximum alienness per unit effort)

Variants: ultramalevolent shades of an impossible hue, and similar abstract energy manifestations

Also Known As: Mysterenes, Hypermentals, or Unimaginals

Origin: either from ultra‐far‐away or a short distance away in an unusual direction

LOOKS: uncannily nondescript C−
BRAINS: they've got stupendous mental powers – which is just as well when you consider that they've got absolutely no physical powers 400
LETHALITY: liable to wish you straight out of existence 0.99
CULTURE: wall‐to‐wall Hitchhiker's Guide references (if you're lucky) 42
HARDNESS: fantasy with trace quantities of sci‐fi; alongside talc on the SF Mohs scale 1
TOKENISM: entities of colour 68

Diet: similarly abstract – they may feed on hate, or fear, or hunger

Hobbies: often fanatical collectors, amateur ecosystem designers, or freelance judges

Not Affiliated With: the material universe

Arch‐Rivals: the similarly hazy Pyrovorticoids

Religion: is generally their fault